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This is how to send a semi-decent online dating message in nine easy steps.

A one-sentence message probably isn’t saying enough, but you also don’t want to send a novel.

So don’t whine about your lack of a love life, don’t lament the fact that you’re such a nice guy but women are such bitches, and definitely don't threaten to kill yourself because you’re lonely. If you want extra credit (and a better chance at a response) be a little bit witty.

Remember that nearly everyone likes someone who takes an interest in them. Stick to these rules, be kinda funny, try not to be a cliché machine (you love to laugh and couldn’t live without your family and friends?! ) and your profile should be at least marginally acceptable (and hopefully won’t end up here for the wrong reasons).

Funny is good, but if you are not actually funny, don’t strain anything trying to be.

Straightforward and nice is infinitely better than trying to be funny and failing miserably. There are lots of reasons why someone might not message you back. Now have patience, or set your sights on one of the 10,000 other single people in your area.

“Hey gurl, luv ur pics” is not going to get a response.

More likely to get a response: A message that is directly responsive to several things in the object of your affection’s profile.

Move on to someone who’s interested in people of your gender, location, age, etc.

You’re better off ditching the crappy, manipulative dating tactics and sending a nice, normal message.

Unless both of you make it clear in your profiles that you are on this site for sex and only sex, keep the message PG – yes, even if there’s a mention of something sexual in the person’s profile, and yes, even if you think your sexual reference is cute or funny or clever.

Sure, it’s a pain to actually read through profiles and send unique messages to each person, but aren’t you here to find a date?

Learn a little something about the person you’re messaging, and reference that in your communiqué.

Responding to a few items in a person’s profile will take somewhere between three and eight sentences; if you find yourself writing a six-paragraph missive, work that delete key.

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